The Courage to Stay Open: What Feedback Teaches Us about ourselves

Why Feedback Feels So Personal
Most leaders will tell you they value feedback. They encourage it, even invite it. But when the feedback actually comes—when it’s pointed, unexpected, or touches something personal—the reaction can be very different. It doesn’t take long for that first flicker of defensiveness to rise.

No matter how self-aware or experienced we are, feedback can still feel like a threat. Our brains are wired to interpret critique as danger. The ego steps in quickly, rushing to protect us from what it perceives as rejection or loss of control. We explain, justify, or dismiss. We tell ourselves the other person doesn’t understand the full picture. And without realizing it, we begin to defend rather than develop.

This protective reflex isn’t a flaw—it’s human. But it quietly limits growth. When we’re in protection mode, our focus shifts from learning to surviving. We can’t absorb insight or see possibility while we’re busy managing our image.

When Ego Protects, Growth Pauses
Ego protection sounds like confidence, but it’s actually fear in disguise—fear of not being seen as competent, respected, or in control. Authenticity, on the other hand, is courage in practice. It’s the willingness to stay open, to listen without immediately correcting or explaining, and to explore what might be true in what we hear.

When feedback feels threatening, it’s rarely about the words themselves. It’s about what those words awaken in us—the story we tell ourselves about who we are, or who we fear we might be. That’s why feedback can feel so personal. It doesn’t just challenge our performance; it challenges our identity.

From Defense to Curiosity
Growth begins in the pause between reaction and response. In that moment, we can ask a different question—not “Is this fair?” or “Do they really know what they’re talking about?” but “What might this be showing me?”

That single shift from defense to curiosity changes everything. It opens the door to awareness and self-leadership. And it reminds us that feedback isn’t about being right or wrong—it’s about seeing more clearly.

What Courageous Authenticity Looks Like
Courageous authenticity doesn’t mean staying calm or pretending the feedback doesn’t sting. It means acknowledging what’s uncomfortable and still choosing to stay present. It means asking for clarity instead of retreating into self-protection. It means thanking someone for their honesty—not because it feels good, but because it opens a door to self-awareness we couldn’t have found alone.

And when leaders practice this, the impact goes far beyond themselves. Teams begin to feel safer. Conversations deepen. Feedback becomes a form of partnership rather than judgment. People stop bracing for correction and start leaning into growth.

A Final Reflection
​The next time feedback feels threatening, notice what’s happening inside you before you respond. Ask yourself what part of you is trying to stay safe—and whether that protection is still serving you.

Growth begins in that pause—the moment you choose curiosity over control.
That’s where courageous authenticity lives.
​
And that’s where leadership deepens—from the inside out.

Kimberly Dudash, PCC
Executive Coach & Leadership Development Strategist
Founder and CEO, Dudash Executive Coaching
Refining Leadership from the Inside Out