When Leadership Feels Like Leveling - A Shift From Proving to Partnering

A senior leader once told me that a colleague’s question changed everything:

“Are you leveling me — or leveling with me?”
He thought he was giving helpful feedback. What others heard was something very different.

He wasn’t trying to be unkind. He was driven, brilliant, and deeply invested in excellence.
But what he meant as clarity was experienced as superiority.

That question — “Are you leveling me, or leveling with me?” — cracked open an awareness that many high-performing leaders never see: the unintended impact of our tone and presence.

The Hidden Dynamic
This dynamic is more common than most leaders realize.
I often meet executives who are genuinely shocked to learn how their words land.

It’s not arrogance that causes it — it’s blindness.

When our commitment to excellence shifts into a need to be right, we cross an invisible line.
We stop partnering with people and start proving something to them.

“Helping” begins to sound like “correcting.”
“High standards” start to feel like “criticism.”

And in that moment, the leader’s credibility grows sharper… but their connection weakens.

The Unseen Cost
What begins as a strength can quietly erode the very trust that fuels performance.

People start to self-protect. They withhold ideas.
They tell us what we want to hear instead of what we need to know.

The leader wonders, “Why aren’t people being honest with me?”
And the team quietly thinks, “Because it’s not safe.”

The Mindset Shift
True behavioral change doesn’t start with communication tactics.
It starts with mindset.

When we begin to see people as people — not problems to fix — we transform the entire energy of leadership.
We stop pushing to be right and start showing up to be real.

We move from pressure to partnership.
We shift from controlling outcomes to co-creating them.
That’s the space where trust grows and teams thrive.

A Reflection for the Week
This week, notice your energy in moments of disagreement or feedback.

Ask yourself:

• Am I trying to be right, or am I trying to be real?
• Do others experience me as working with them — or working on them?

The difference is subtle… and it changes everything.

Closing Thought
True leadership isn’t about having the sharpest insight in the room;
it’s about creating the room where insight can emerge.

When we lead with instead of at,
we refine leadership from the inside out.
 
Kimberly Dudash, PCC
Executive Coach & Leadership Development Strategist
Founder and CEO, Dudash Executive Coaching
Refining Leadership from the Inside Out